Rejection is a hard thing to take with your confidence intact. To be rejected from something is always a bleak and demoralising experience, no matter how you try to spin it. It can also lead to increased anxiety, jealousy and unhappiness – all of which are things I have experienced over the past year.
For those reading my blog who don’t know, I lost my job last year during the lockdown. I used to work in the tourism industry and for obvious reasons the company greatly suffered financially throughout the pandemic. There are no bitter feelings about this. I loved working for that company and I understand that difficult choices had to be made. But it has meant that I have spent just under a year now trying to get a new job with no luck as of yet.
Anxiety
People experience rejection in varying forms. For me, this past year has consisted of hundreds of job rejections. With every rejection you start to doubt your own worth, your own capabilities, and your own strengths. Why didn’t they choose me? Am I not likeable enough? Do I come across as cold? Am I incapable? Rejection puts all sorts of doubts into your head. Mix together feeling like you lack purpose with your increasing financial worries and it’s an anxiety inducing combination.
They always say that interviews get easier the more you do, but I’m finding the opposite. The constant rejection just heightens my pre-interview anxiety. My interview performance is always negatively impacted when I work myself up beforehand. I always greatly appreciate interviewers who set a casual and chatty tone at the start of the interview as this makes me feel a lot calmer. Sadly, some interviews come across more like an interrogation which only adds more stress. Sometimes, the jobs I’m interviewing for feel ‘too professional’ for me so I get imposter syndrome which makes me feel like I shouldn’t even be at this interview.
Another thing that really gets to me is being ghosted. I interviewed for a company a couple of months back who completely ignored me after a second stage interview. I personally thought both interviews had gone well. After a week passed with no news, I checked in asking for an update. They never replied to this email – especially when I asked them for an update. Obviously, they hired someone else, but it would have been nice for them to tell me. I feel like many companies don’t think about how these seemingly small things mentally impact the person applying for the job.
Jealousy
This is something I struggle to talk about because I don’t know who to talk about it with. The people I’m jealous of, in this situation, are usually my own friends who have full-time jobs. This might sound horrible, but it’s genuinely so difficult to see the people around you getting jobs and succeeding when your own professional life has stalled. It’s not a case of not being happy for them, because of course I am. That is unquestionable. I want my friends to succeed, but it’s difficult to not cry later when you’re alone because you’re not succeeding. Trying to not sound like an awful person when admitting this is really hard.
Then you start thinking “what kind of person am I to feel jealous of my friends succeeding? I’m awful, no wonder no one wants to hire me.” I know people often think of jealousy as a negative emotion, me included, but I’m trying to make it a positive. I’m focusing on using it as a way to motivate me to keep going. The more jobs I apply for, the more opportunities I will have. I also think one way of trying to battle these jealous feelings is to journal and remind yourself of your own worth. Because these jealous feelings stem from thinking you’re not good enough to have the same success that other people are.
Unhappiness
Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. I’m now getting to the stage where I have been unemployed for almost an entire year. I live for the moments that I spend with my friends and family. Random conversations and fun outings with them distract me from the many problems I’m currently facing with my job search. But it’s hard to ignore how much I cry these days, when I barely used to do so before.
It’s also becoming more difficult now we’re coming out of a lockdown. I feel like my excuse of ‘we’re in a pandemic’ will no longer be valid if I still don’t have a job within the next few months. It’s also scary not having any income at the moment with everything re-opening. When everything was closed, I never had temptation. But this week alone I have spent so much money on eating out, and the other week I bought theatre tickets. I already know I need to re-evaluate my spending choices.
Theatre was my happy outlet before the pandemic, but now I don’t even think I can justify buying tickets. This probably sounds super ‘elitist’ having previously been able to spend money on things I enjoyed, but I know it’s going to be a real struggle for me to see my friends enjoying things that I want to be a part of but I’m going to have to say no. I have to remind myself that any money I spend after rent and food is coming directly out of my savings.
If anyone else is going through a similar experience to me right now, I want you to know that you got this and I believe in you!
Hi Kate,
First of all, I’m sorry to hear that you lost your job.
I realise it will be of little consolation but you are not alone – a pandemic like this one is a “Once in a Lifetime” scenario and it has hit lots of people. However, many businesses now seem to be not only surviving but actually thriving. And that success will begin to result in increased demand for workers.
In terms of your job interview anxiety let me offer you a different perspective. I’ve been the interviewee a number of times but I’ve also, in later life, been an interviewer. And do you know what? It’s hard!
Wading through piles of CVs reading the same cliches and wondering what proportion of the information is fact and what is fiction. Then once you’ve narrowed that pile down to potential interviewees you have to try and conduct a relatively brief meeting in which you are expected to be able to determine whether or not the person in front of you will be able to undertake the role that you have to fill.
What if you pick somebody that isn’t really very good. Or somebody that irritates the hell out of all the existing employees? And it’s tough to get rid of such people these days – you may be stuck with them for years. Or decades. And everybody else at the business will forever remind you that this individual was your choice!
So, how does this help you? My advice would be to put yourself in the interviewer’s shoes. Think about what they are looking for and then convince them that you are the person to provide it. Be as friendly as you possibly can without being unprofessional – show that you are somebody that can work well as part of a team, if necessary. Above all, remember this one thing – the interviewer wants you to be the right person for the job. If you are that means – no more dull CVs, no more interviews, and the eternal gratitude of the bosses for finding the ‘right’ person.
I’ve waffled on long enough for a simple blog comment. With regards to jealousy and unhappiness, I’ll simply say that they are a part of life that we all go through. You aren’t somehow a nasty person for experiencing these feelings. Just try not to dwell on them.
Good luck.
I really appreciate all of this, it was super helpful! I will definitely keep this in mind when interviewing for my next job. I’ve never been on the interviewing side of things so it was really lovely to get your perspective on that 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear about you loosing your job. I was made redundant twice last year and the things you’ve mentioned in this post, really echoed how I was feeling too. One tip I found useful during that time is to ask family and friends if there’s any jobs going where they work. I actually got my job now via a friends recommendation. The job wasn’t even advertised as they were still in the thinking about it stage. The offered me the chance and I havent looked back.
That’s a really great tip, thanks for sharing! I’m sorry you had a difficult time last year, but hopefully things are on the up and up again for you 🙂
I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with these emotions at the moment, and not having a job can be so hard. I think it’s great to share your feelings with others who will be in a similar position at the moment, thank you for sharing x
Thanks for reading. It’s been a really difficult time but I’ve found that being open and honest about it, even though it can be difficult, helps you process it all easier 🙂
Hello Gorgeous girl. Well done for putting all those soul reaching thoughts on paper. It is easy for me to say but suddenly it will all just be right. I have realised the horrible hard times we have to go through really do mature us into a much better person who approaches life in different ways because our values change. Kate sweetheart you a such a special girl with so much to offer. Remember to like yourself just as you are. You are very much loved. We are here to help you at any time. Xxxxxx
Thanks, I love you. Can’t wait to give you a hug next time I see you <3
I am really sorry you lost your job that must be hard. I am on the verge of losing mine due to a work place accident and it causing fibromyalgia and chronic pain syndrome, so I know how worrying and how it really makes anxiety worse. These harder times will build you up and make you so much stronger. New doors will open for you! Keep your chin up girl. You’ve got this!
Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to hear about your work place accident and that your position with your current company may be at risk. Sending many positive thoughts your way. I hope everything turns out right for you <3
Thank you ❤️